I've been feeling kind of lost lately, like I'm just going through the motions. It's not like there is something wrong, but it feels like something is missing.
What keeps me going, is looking forward to the next "thing". Vacations, events, changes, etc... I spent all last week looking forward to Thursday night's rehearsal. And then, I spent the next two days looking foward to playing on Sunday morning. I'm not sure what's wrong, but I really need something. I don't get to play again in church for 3 weeks. That sucks. Well, any chance to play is amazing and something to look forward to. But I also feel kinda bad, because I'm coming in and taking time away from his playing. Though he does also play guitar, so that means on the weeks when I get to play, he plays guitar. Which means he gets to play every week. I think I need to pickup a second instrument. :)
Seriously though, I don't understand why I feel as though something is missing. I shouldn't have to spend my entire life looking forward to the next thing. My life shouldn't be a series of build-ups, and highs. Wash, rinse and repeat. Shouldn't day to day life be enough? I enjoy my job, I'm spending lots of time with my wife, and things are good.
But until I figure out a better way, I need to find something new in my life to look forward to. I'm thinking about getting a part-time job to pay for a tattoo. I want to get a full sleeve tattooed on my right arm. It will cost between $1600-2000. I figure if I can get a job for $10/hr, work 16 hours a week, I should be able to take home about $400/mo. This will allow me to pay for the entire thing in 4 to 5 months. Which is friggin sweet. It's still too far away to be one of the "things" that I look forward to, but awesome. :)
I have a lot of goals, and things I am working towards, but none of them have that "thing" factor. It makes me sad.
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3 comments:
Ok so your post really struck me, and my response may offend, may not...anyway here goes.
"I need to find something new in my life to look forward to"
Having a tattoo that costs more than most folks make in a month is a great goal, but one that will fade away and will be replaced by a new thing once the old new wears off. My advice to your something new to look forward to:
Change a life for the better. Take time to volunteer at a local shelter or after school program. Teach someone how to play an instrument. Write something for your wife. Get to know your elderly neighbors and listen to their stories, help them with whatever they need.
They may sound like time consuming boring things, but once you do it and you have helped another person in this world, there's no "getting bored" when trying to find the next new thing to look forward to, there are always good things to do in this world. Go do em :)
How about a good book? I recommend The Cloud of Unknowing!
And here's a tune that got me through some MT times way back:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uM-8RbJeTVM&feature=PlayList&p=4324477459179C64&index=7
I'll have to check that book out Greg. Maybe the library has it.
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