So it's been an interesting past week and a half following the birth of Bean last Thursday. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster ride as we adapt to this thing called parenting. I spent the first couple of days on the verge of tears every time I looked at him. It was overwhelming to be responsible for this little creature, that I created, and having no clue how to do it. I mean, I know I have this innate knowledge about what to do, but it's all the other stuff that worries me. It's trusting that I can make the best choices for him and his future to maximize his potential in life.
It's fucking scary.
Things have gotten a lot better as time has gone by. I'm feeling a lot better about my role as a dad, and I'm becoming a lot more comfortable with Bean.
We had quite a bit of trouble feeding him, though that has also gotten a lot better. He wasn't breast feeding at first, so we were using this fake nipple thing and a supplemental nutrition system (SNS), which is a syringe that you fill with milk (forumla or breast milk) and feed it to him through the fake nipple. It was a royal pain in the ass, and it took both of us to feed him. This meant that every 3 hours we'd both get up and feed him, then go back to sleep. Since then, we've weaned him off of the SNS, and he is feeding exclusivly off breast milk. :D This means that it only takes one of us to feed him at each feeding, which makes life a whole lot easier. Well, for me anyway, Mama Bean still has to get up an feed him.
So while it is nice that I don't have to get up, I have been feeling guilty that she has to get up all night, while I just sleep. I'm going back to work this week, so it'll be a definite advantage to be able to sleep through the night, but it doesn't alleviate the guilt. I'm working hard to make her life as easy as possible, by cooking, cleaning and trying to do what I can to make her life easier while she does all of the feedings.
I go back to work tomorrow after being home since the birth. I sure Mama Bean will be okay by herself all day, and it's nice to know I'm just a phone call and 5 minute drive away in case there's a problem.
5 more weeks of work and then I'm a SAHD for the next 9 months. :)
Oh, and we posted more pics over at Bean's Picasa Album
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I loved breast feeding - the nutrition value, the ease [already warm, no bottles to wash] but my husbands and I had a deal with each baby for the middle of the night feedings they had to get up and get the baby, change their diaper and hand him or her over. Then I did the fun part in bed and they fell right back to sleep. It worked wonderfully well for us because I somehow managed to marry [each time - not a bigamist!] the two men in VA who had the ability to go straight back to sleep :D.
I miss those snugly times in bed with my babies but we still have our moments now :D.
Glad you and Mama Bean are doing so well. Hope you have a good day at work.
My best to you both.
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